Warning: Fart fetish story
"Ew mom I can see your crack."
My oldest daughter complained as I scrubbed a spill off the floor.
"Just a sec honey, lemme just clean this up"
I think to myself (Damn this is one hell of a stain) as I start scrubbing more forcefully using every muscle in my body.
On second thought probably shouldn't have tensed my gut muscles so much as a loud fart trumpets through the kitchen.
"Those barking spiders sure make a lot of noise." I say trying to save face in front of my daughters.
"Barking spiders, yeah sure." Laura, my oldest daughter, says with her hands in front of her mouth and nose before leaving the kitchen.
After cleaning up the stain I get back up and look at the table, I see Jenny, the middle daughter, has moved to the other end of the table to get away from the smell, but Katie, the youngest one, is still sitting in her normal spot and looks at me with a childish wonder in her eyes.
"What do barking spiders look like mom?"
After quickly pretending to look for the spider I reply "they're uh... brown and star shaped." (You just told a butthole joke to your nine year old, nice going Joan)
"Okay, they sure are stinky though."
"Hehe yeah honey, now finish your breakfast you don't wanna be late for school."
After I dropped Laura off at high school and Katie and Jenny at elementary as the both of them finally disappear out of sight into the school.
PPFFAARRTT PPRRRTT PPppffrrtt
I let out two big rippers and a silent one I'd been holding since they got in the car, my eyes still closed in blissful relief one of the teachers tapped on the window, I roll it down without even thinking.
The teacher a young man in his late twenties bent toward me and said "Ma'am you're not allowed to p..." he suddenly stopped talking and turned very pale, he turned away from me and bent over into the bushes and started coughing and gagging loudly.
"I'm not allowed to park here?" I asked, he only retched in response, I decided to take that as a yes and rolled the window back up and drove away. (I knew I shouldn't have had boiled eggs for breakfast.)
I drove back home, at home I didn't really know what to do, the kids would spent the weekend with their dad and his girlfriend miss freaking America the skinny bitch, I was kind of stressed so I went to take a nice relaxing bath, I put the water on and stripped down.
While waiting for the bath to fill up I looked at myself in the mirror (Boy having three kids really shows.), my stomach was large and fat at least it isn't so big it hangs over my crotch yet, my hips and thighs are soft and jiggly, my breasts though nice and big were starting to sag and over the years my big round booty had turned into this fat blubbery ass. (No wonder he left me for a newer skinnier and less flatulent model.)
After this the bath had filled up and I slowly stepped in, it was way too cold but I knew a way of warming it up.
BBVVRRMMPPTT POORP PPFFRRTT PPRROOOTTT
A multitude of bubbles rushed to the water surface carrying a nasty stink with them, it reminded of how I used to give little Laura a special jacuzzi bath, I stopped doing that for her when one time I made the mistake of eating plums beforehand, needless to say Laura wasn't pleased I had to interrupt bath time because some brown "rust" had gotten in the bath.
I washed my shoulder length blonde hair and relaxed a bit, I woke up an hour later, in my sleep I'd been ripping ass like there was no tomorrow apparently as a light yellow haze was in the air and the stench of rotten eggs was very present, the bath water had yellowed as well but that was probably for a different reason.
I got out of bath and dried myself off and then went out of the bathroom butt naked. I like being nude I love how my breasts and butt jiggle without any constraints and the added bonus of being able to fart freely without stinking up any panties or pants.
Poot Prrtt PFRT paarp braapt pllpppt
I was taking full advantage of the latter, ripping a mix of small farts some loud and forceful causing my buns to separate and slap back together and some quiet and disgusting.
I went into the living room and turned on some pop music to shake my ass to, dancing always made me gassy, while I was twerking my ass off and gas flowed steadily out of it at the same time, I noted that I'd forgotten to close the drapes and was giving a peepshow to the entire neighborhood and the delivery van that just drove up our driveway.
I quickly closed the drapes and ran to the bathroom to put on my robe, I hadn't worn it in years and I went to the door when the doorbell rang.
A young delivery boy was at the door his face as red as a beet, he'd definitely seen me naked and was much more uncomfortable with it than me "C-could you s-s-sign this m-ma'am?" he stuttered while holding out a clipboard and a pen.
I, being the moron that I am, dropped the pen and it rolled behind me "Oopsy, I'm such a klutz." and I bent over to pick it up, and I could practically feel his eyes on my butt and I understood why when I felt a cold breeze on the lower half of my bottom, I was showing a ton of under-butt-cleavage.
(Uh oh!) My gut groaned loudly which meant only one thing the big bomb was coming and it was coming fast, I had to warn him he was right in the blast zone, I didn't have a lot of time so I yelled quickly "Incoming!" I hoped he knew what I meant, because I couldn't keep it in anymore.
My ass exploded into a hellish racket of bassy trumpets and loud thunder, its escape from my bowels was pure pleasure it felt like anal sex in reverse.
When I turned back around, two things became clear this fart had been incredibly forceful and the delivery boy hadn't understood my warning, he'd been knocked over by my gas it was kinda funny and kinda sad at the same time, I quickly signed the clipboard as I signed I noted that this fart despite being very loud and forceful still stunk like hell, after the delivery boy got back up I handed it to him.
The delivery boy nearly gave light he was blushing so hard, he waved one hand in front of his face for the smell and rubbed the back of his head with the other, he handed me the package and left quickly I can't blame him for it.
I decided to get dressed to avoid further embarrassment to me or others, as I looked in my wardrobe (fuck I forgot to do my laundry) there were nearly no clothes inside only one pair of jeans, a bra and a pair of socks, no underwear and no shirts, after scavenging the house for clothes the most wearable shirt I found was a white tank-top with ketchup stains over the right breast and gut, no panties though.
I ended up looking like a plumber or a construction worker and I had the ass cleavage to go along with it, I wore a pair of white socks, worn down jeans that showed half my ass when I stood up let alone when I bent over and the stained tank top which was a bit tight around my belly and showed a gratuitous amount of cleavage.
After dressing up my tummy growled again, time for lunch, in the kitchen I realized my wardrobe wasn't the only empty closet in the house, there was very little food in the kitchen I didn't want to risk the spoiled egg salad, because it would give me lethal farts and diarrhea, I decided on a sandwich with cheese and garlic butter due to a lack of regular butter, this was gonna give me absolutely disgusting farts, but it beat not eating.
I chowed down the devilish fart cocktail and drank some milk.
BOARP! urp.. BBBBUUUURRrrRRPPP!!
A barrage of burps came from my mouth, usually I'm not much of a burper but milk somehow really got me going, then the phone rang.
(Fuck) BOOAARRrr... Farts I could hide on the phone, I'd taken dumps while talking on the phone, but AARP! burps come from your mouth so you hear them clearly on the phone.
"Joan Ever-URMF Evergreen"
I say muffling a burp.
"Yes mrs. Evergreen, this is Andrea Klaps, Katie's teacher."
"Did some-BURP! excuse me, happen to her?"
"No she's fine I just want to talk to you about something, could you come to the school at around 5 pm?"
"Y.... Whew yeah that'll be fine."
I replied stifling another burp
"Alright see you there bye"
I let out the massive burp I'd been keeping in for the entire phone call (why would they need me at school, maybe that teacher guy who nearly died after getting a whiff told someone, I'll see what it is when I get there.) I decided to go to the grocery store, get some food for a weekend alone.
I got in my car and about halfway to the supermarket it started bubbling in my lower intestine, so I lifted one of my buttocks and let it rip PPFFRRAAATT PPPprrrrttt PPPPAAARRRPP
After the trio of farts left my partially clad bottom I got a whiff of them (Damn! Those are disgusting!) they definitely were disgusting: rancid cheese, garlic and the hint of rotten eggs, this was going to be one hell of a ride especially since the AC broke. PPFFRRTT! (Oh god!)
I usually didn't mind the smell of my own farts, in fact I kinda liked it but by the time I got to the supermarket I was gasping for fresh air, as I got out of the car all colors suddenly seemed brighter and when I looked at the car I saw there was a thick yellow haze inside (Oops).
I decided to leave the windows down, I figured no one would dare get near a car that stunk that much, let alone get inside it and went into the store, when I'm alone for the weekend I tend to go for food that gives me gas, refried beans, hummus, fizzy drinks, soylent green broccoli, cauliflower the whole shebang.
First on the list a couple cans of beans, first aisle, across from the cheese fridge, (They always put the cheap ones all the way at the bottom so annoying) as I bent down to pick up my fill of cheap beans, I felt unpleasantly cold air flow into my very exposed butt crack, luckily there was some warm air headed that way too.
A long fart erupted softly from my ass, a few quick glances prove that only I heard this modest rumbler.
I was definitely not the only one who smelled it, behind me an old woman stood there waving her hand in front of her nose.
"Excuse me, young man I think some of your cheese may have gone off."
"No ma'am those are French cheeses, those are supposed to.... OH GOD! *cough *splutter" (Oopsy)
I quickly move onto my next item a couple of bottles of carbonated water, aisle 3 with the soda and the booze, I squatted to get the cheap bottles, this showed more of my ass crack than bending over but didn't make me fart as much.
"Yo dude look how big her ass is"
I hear someone whisper way too loud behind me.
"Damn that's big."
"Fuck! That's gross"
"Nah dude more cushioning when you fuck her in the ass."
"Nasty dude, she probably has kids."
"I bet they're as ugly and fat as she is."
Now I had enough of these three teenagers (insulting me and my kids how dare they!) I jumped up so quick it even surprised me, backed up towards them, pulled down my pants and...
Ripped a massive fart toward the three boys, they stood there shocked for a second before running off while covering their mouths and noses, I pulled my pants back up and gave my self a congratulatory smack on the bottom while laughing at those three "poor" teenagers.
Next up produce broccoli, cauliflower, some garlic and chick peas for the hummus, this went reasonably painless except for when I dropped a cauliflower bent over to pick it up, accidentally passed gas and when I looked back I had turned a large batch of lettuce from green and firm to yellow and weak.
Then I came to the registers (Jesus H. Christ why are there so many people don't they have anything better to do?) as I stood there pondering the enormous line, I came up with a solution.
I walked past the line to the news rack, pretended to read something (Oil crisis in Liechtenstein, fascinating) and when I walked back to the end of the line my plan sprung into motion, while I was walking along the line I was ripping an absolutely lethal silent fart, the people where choking on my thick cheesy gas and one by one they started leaving the line until I was next up at the registry, the gas was even hard to bear for me making me retch as I was waiting for the customer at the register.
After paying and putting my groceries in the trunk, I got back in my car, the haze had gone but the stench definitely hadn't, I felt a bit of pressure on backside (Hell it stinks in here anyway) pppfffeeeee... (Shit! A squeaker, OH GOD! I should've kept that one in.)
I raced to the clothing store to get out of the stench, opening the car door released the stench into the world, all the people on the nearby sidewalk started coughing as the smell hit them and ran away from the epicenter.
I walked into the clothing store, the stench of the past squeaker was still slowly oozing out of my crack while I picked a couple pairs of trousers that would probably fit and went into a dressing room closed the two drapes, but when I bent over and dropped my jeans my stomach groaned loudly again (Oh no! Not here, not now they'll kick me out for sure) but I didn't have a choice.
PPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRPPPPP!! BBbrrtt pllppt poot
The first fart was a massive cheek flapping ordeal, it blasted open the curtains revealing my backside to all the customers and any passersby, it also blew over a couple of clothing racks and just to make sure that everyone knew I ripped that beastly flatulence a couple small farts came from my still jiggling backside.
One large man came to remove me from the store, apparently just saying "excuse me" after mooning and stinking up an entire store doesn't cut it anymore.
I went back home in my car and for a change didn't stink it up, having let out the brunt of it in the store, at home I unpacked the groceries and decided to have a bit of a snack, I saw a small packet of dried prunes (what the hell I'm at home the toilet is only a few feet away)
I sat down in the living room and ate the prunes while watching some tv, after I finished my healthy snack I opened the packet that had been delivered earlier that day, it was my new cell phone but my old number hadn't been carried over yet so it had a different temporary phone number.
When I looked back at the tv a commercial started, a large biker woman burped loudly then walked out of frame revealing a rather posh couple sitting at a table in a greasy takeaway with a pathetic plate of fries between them "Are you tired of normal restaurants?" a voice says then an enormous fart comes from the ass of another female biker that was standing behind the table, it blows woman's hair to the side and the fries of the plate "and the disgusting people that go there"
This made me chuckle a bit, "Who knows what it might do to your kids?" a teenage boy walks in holding hands with an enormous black female biker "Mom, dad this is my girlfriend Rosie.", then the screen cuts to a young girl about twelve next to the man "Daddy, smell this!" the young girl says before ripping a big fart, "that's nothing" Rosie replies before yanking down her pants and ripping a very wet sounding fart in the father's face, "Go to le Chateau de cul renifleur for a moment away from the common filth"
(Fucking snobby pricks)
PPRRRTT while inhaling the gas I just let out I got an idea I grabbed my phone and called the restaurant, I may not have been classy but I definitely was something that sounded similar.
"Bonjour, you've reached le chateau de cul renifleur." A man with a very thick French accent said.
"Yes I would like make a reservation."
"On what name miss?"
"Mr. and Mrs." I quickly but quietly move the phone to my butt PAARP!
When I bring it back to my mouth the man says "I'm sorry, come again?"
"Okay I want a reservation for mr. and mrs." I again bring the phone to my ass BBRRMMPPPTT!
I hear the man curse in French before hanging up, I laughed my ass off for a while before feeling my stomach rumble again, I got another big one coming up but who should I call, my ex-husband's towing company of course, I pull down my pants so he can hear it right from the source.
"Smith towing, what can I do for you?"
I pinch my nose so my voice sounds different "Yeah I broke down on the corner of BBUUURRPP!! and" after burping loudly I move the phone to my butt on my sphincter and prepared to release the bomb building in my gut.
A massive wet fart erupts from my butt and splatters over my new phone, I'd have been annoyed if I didn't feel more moving through my guts, I sprinted to the bathroom pants around my ankles and letting out small farts, I yanked open the door and slammed myself down on the toilet.
Immediately after my ass made contact with the seat I let it all out starting with a couple of fart the last one really wet before the big beast came, a big batch of shit splashed into the the water, I like taking long relaxing shits after a busy day, something about voiding your bowels and smelling your farts and shit is really pleasant, this wasn't one of those, this was very much a business call, I had to poop urgently.
A half hour of loud farts, splashes, very not charming grunts and a quick wipe later I could pull up my jeans again, just in time to notice there wasn't any air freshener left, my nasty stink was going to hang around for a while.
PPprrtt pllppt proot
I walked into the kitchen scratching my backside, letting out some wind in the process, "Fuck" I said to myself as I saw what time it was, I had to be at the school soon, without washing my hands I got into my car.
Speeding down the road slightly stressed and quite annoyed, I felt gas bubble inside me, I gritted my teeth and pushed.
An enormous fart blasted from my ass and shook the car, it relieved the stress in my gut but but not the stress in my head, as cold sweat poured down into my crack.
I stopped close to the school and lifted one of my buttocks, I had to let a couple fly so I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of my kids' teachers.
POOT PAARP BRRMPT pff freeep prrt
Having let out a lot of gas, I walked into the school and was greeted by a rather pleasant sight, miss Klaps a gorgeous twenty year old brunette.
She wore a baby blue dress shirt fitting tightly on her slender frame and her large breasts made it impossible for her to button up the top part of her shirt, causing her to display gratuitous amounts of cleavage and a part of her red lacy bra, she also wore a pair of skin tight black jeans perfectly displaying her firm rotund backside and a pair of black heels making her about as tall as me.
"Good afternoon mrs. Evergreen"
"Hello miss Klaps, to what do I owe the pleasure?"
"It's about something you told little Katie."
I was slightly shocked by what she said, I couldn't for the life of me remember telling Katie anything weird so I replied "I'm sorry I haven't the faintest what you mean?"
"She's been talking about barking spiders, I'll teach you like I taught the children" she said as she extended a finger "Go on give it a pull"
I slightly erred before I followed her instructions
a massive thundering fart erupted from her ample bottom, it was ridiculously loud for such a small woman, she giggled at the incredibly loud fart.
"Well that put an end to all that barking spider stuff ha ha" she said "what do you say we continue this conversation somewhere more private?"
(Is she flirting with me? I'm not sure how I feel about this, I mean she's beautiful, but I'm not into women right?) not wanting to seem rude I said "Yes", while following her I got a look at that beauty of a booty she had and a whiff of her sweet gas, I mean it still stunk but something in it just smelled great.
She lead me into a small office and sat behind the desk, I sat down on one of the chairs in front of it.
I started "I'm really sorry for telling such idiocy to my daughter miss Klaps"
"Please call me Andrea"
Andrea replied while lifting herself of the chair slightly "We don't want to teach the kids Hnngh!" PPFFAARRTT she strained and ripped a huge fart before sitting down again "Aaahh... Where was I? We don't wanna teach them that there's something wrong with bodily functions like flatulence."
"We're not aiming to put out a bunch of abstinent puritans at the end of all this, but rather sensible adults." She raised her right buttock and let out a squeaker ppfffiiiii... "Ooh I will apologize for that one that's lethal."
The gas Andrea had just passed was absolutely horrendous, rotten cheese and vegetables, a stench that would have normally sent me running for the hills but it came from such a sexy woman, I couldn't help but smile as the stench burned my nostrils.
We talked about some pretty inconsequential stuff for a while "How about that weather, huh?" before I felt a familiar feeling again (gas), the stench of Andrea's last fart had barely faded, but whatever came out of my butt would probably purify the air rather than foul it, so I just let one slip.
A low pitched fart rumbled from my rectum into the seat, as I was ripping ass I noticed Andrea's face change, her cheeks reddened, she slightly bit her lower lip and began silently sniffing (Is she trying to sniff up my fart?) feeling like helping her out I waved my gas toward her and exclaimed "Get a load of that one."
She definitely lost her composure when I gave her a facefull of flatus, her eyes shut, she bit her lip even more and moaned softly (is she getting off on my fart?!), she quickly recovered from this euphoric state and retorted "Oh yeah! Smell this!" she raised her knees to her chest giving me a front seat view of her jean clad crotch and bottom.
A large fart erupted in my general direction it started off purring, turned into a loud trumpeting and ended with sputtering, it stunk much like the squeaker she'd ripped earlier, but it had a pleasant hint of warm milk and strawberries, I had to inhale it not due to my position but because it smelled so good.
"I should probably go home it's about dinner time." I said after huffing some more of her gas.
"Are you hungry?" she asked, my tummy rumbled loudly in response "I'll take that as a yes, do you like Mexican food mrs. Evergreen?"
"Please call me Joan"
"Joan" she repeated sensually.
"Yes I do." I replied equally sensually.
She called Mexican food mega-chain Burrito Gong and ordered us two extra large black bean burritos each and one extra large Fanta each to wash it down.
We sat and spoke about some more inconsequential stuff, until the food arrived, the four black bean burritos were enormous about the size of a rolled up pizza and were served with a liter of Fanta, this was gonna give me ridiculous amounts of gas, I'm talking active volcano levels of sulphur and enough methane to put an entire herd of cows to shame, she was fully aware of this and she wanted it to happen.
We dug into our massive amounts of food, we were scarfing down the burritos and chugging our soda we didn't talk but it wasn't quiet in the office it was actually quite loud besides our loud eating sounds, we were also burping and farting frequently.
By the time the both of us had finished our gas inducing feast, a thick yellow and green fog hung in the office paired with a stench that could kill.
She asked during a chorus of butt trumpets "What do you say we go somewhere less ventilated?"
I opened my mouth to respond but nothing but a loud burp came out so I just nodded instead.
She dragged me behind her as we jogged to our destination, I watch her firm beautiful butt jiggle at every step and inhaled all of the sweet gas it produced.
Eventually we reached our destination a custodial closet, she stepped in and gestured me to get in too, with some effort I squeezed my big gut and massive ass through the door, there we stood in the small closet her slender but buxom frame pressed into my soft body.
She put her right hand on the back of my head and gently squeezed my butt with her left hand, she pressed herself harder against my gut, causing both of our backsides to expel more gas, tilted her head to side while slowly and sexily opening her mouth, I opened my mouth as well.
When our lips connected we started sensually exploring each others mouths, backed up by a cacophony flatulence as our backsides were pumping out more gas every second.
Suddenly a hurricane-like blast blew down my throat, with a distinct orange and cheese flavor and a loud muffled noise, Andrea ended our make out session as she was laughing her ass off, it wasn't really laughing more a kind of giggling continuously interrupted by burps and hiccups and occasionally drowned out by loud flatulence, she'd burped in my mouth, on accident of course.
While her burp-gas was still slowly fuming out of my mouth she said "Hehe *hiccup* sorry... Now turn around honey, let me get a look at that *BUURP* *prrfftt* fine ass." she'd dropped any kind of playful or silly demeanor, she wanted me and she wanted me now.
I turned around, bent over onto a custodians' cart and did what I thought she'd want, I cut the cheese,
the fart I ripped wasn't exceptional in any way not very loud and it didn't stink much either.
As soon as the last bit of gas left my rectum, I felt something reasonably hard press against the back of my shoddy jeans, judging by where Andrea's moans were coming from it was safe to assume she was pushing her nose against it.
bbbblllrrttt pllppt PAARP!
I pushed out three more unimpressive farts before Andrea's voice came from behind my bum "MMmmm... I want more! *sniff* Take em off, I wanna get closer. *sniff* Aaahh..." I could feel her fingers pry at the top of my jeans attempting to get them off.
I hesitated to take my pants off as the stench contained within would probably break the Geneva convention, however her insistent prying at my backside convinced me she could take it and I undid my fly and pulled my pants down, my expectations hadn't been unreasonable as both me and even Andrea recoiled from its vile stench, the sour stench of sweat, feces, rotten cheese, rancid eggs and decrepit vegetables.
Andrea got used to the stench surprisingly quickly as I felt the tip of her nose slide through my crack top to bottom and bottom to top, sniffing eagerly along the way, I was really surprised at how Andrea went from being grossed out by my butt's musk to being aroused by it.
When I involuntarily broke wind again, Andrea started lightly massaging and kneading my blubbery bottom, this felt great (this girl knows what she's doing) "More, more, MORE!" she exclaimed in her lustful madness and I happily obliged.
BLAART! PPROOOTT! PPPFFFRRRTTT!
I was starting to get aroused and it showed in my flatulence, they were getting louder and messier, they weren't sharts, but they were still wet with my butt juice and sweat.
Andrea grew lustier with every outburst and she was now pleasuring my ass to an even greater extent, by kissing and licking my backside this gave me goosebumps, Andrea must've had ridiculous sphincter control as she hadn't farted since I turned around.
After another big raunchy fart rumbled out of my ass, I felt a different sensation between my buttocks, something big and hard, Andrea had shoved her head up my ass, I really didn't know how to feel about this and then another weird sensation catching me completely off guard as her hot and wet tongue pierced my asshole.
PPprrrttt pff pllppt prd prot brrrtt
A barrage of small farts erupted sporadically onto her tongue and into her mouth, she had startled me.
My plump bottom jiggled as an incredibly loud sound came from within, to the casual it'd seem I'd farted once more and that's what I would've thought if I didn't feel warm air flow into my anus rather than out, it seemed that Andrea, despite having amazing control over her rectum, had some trouble managing the upward flow of gas, seeing as she burped up one of my body cavities for the second time already.
A loud tuba-like blast from my ass blew her burp back down her throat together with my trademark stink, I couldn't help but giggle at me farting out a burp, causing some small odorless farts to slip out. poot paarp brrrtt pff..
I felt an absolutely diabolical fart building up in my guts, an unbearably smelly squeaker, I wanted her to sniff it all up without escape, as the killer gas was nearing my sphincter, I pushed her head down so her nose was near my asshole and clenched my buttocks to keep her in place.
From within my ass came a soft high pitched sound lasting for about a minute, this fart could be described as cute and dainty, if you were completely unaware of its other characteristic, its smell was so strong it burnt my sphincter and poor Andrea got it up her nose, she gagged and recoiled initially, but she couldn't get away from the source my muscles held her firmly in place, my ass may look flabby and soft but when I clench my glutes they're as hard as steel, she and the smell were sealed in airtight prison of muscle and fat.
I could feel her breathe my fart gas every inhale and exhale tickling the hairs that lined my sphincter, while initially this fart was too rank even for her, she had started to like it but I felt she was getting weaker with every inhale, there was barely any oxygen left between my buttocks and my noxious gasses had started to get to her head and I released her from my rancid choke hold.
She emerged from between buttocks covered in sweat and gasping for air, I wasn't entirely sure what was caused by the conditions within my butt and what was caused by her arousal.
"Good god!..... I've *heave* I've never smelled anything like that, you're the best!" She said still breathing heavily, I giggled at this unusual compliment.
Despite me nearly knocking her out with a silent fart just moments ago, I could feel her manicured fingers run across my sweaty buttocks and her cheek rubbing against my crack, she didn't dare stick her head in it though as a lot of the stench from earlier remained within.
I ripped a big cheek flapper in her face and she immediately backed up from my butt again, as I looked back surprised at her sudden retreat I saw she was waving a hand in front of her face and pinching her nose with the other (there's no way this fart can stink that bad) I took a whiff and realized what had happened this fart had taken the trapped squeaker's stink with it.
"What have you been feeding that thing?" Andrea joked her nose still pinched shut, I laughed at her humorous remark and she must've been thankful she hadn't let go of her nose, as laughing did what it always did to me, caused me to let a couple fly.
But my laughter quickly subsided as my gut rumbled (uh oh!).
"What is it Joan, honey, need to take a shit? The bathroom is at the end of the hall." Andrea said in a worried teacher voice.
"No! Hnngh It's GGGRROOOAAARRNN GAS CRAMPS!" I replied in obvious pain.
"Just let em out, I can take it." I would have retorted and have warned her about the heinous nature of what was in my bowels at the time, but she had other plans as her hands moved to my belly and massaged it, at first this felt pleasant and distracted me from the increasing pressure in my bowels, but then my bowels' groaning and rumbling intensified and my butt quivered with anticipation, she was trying to force it out of me and she was succeeding.
Andrea's massage had left me without any choice I was gonna drop this F-bomb right now, my ass practically exploded with flatulence, the fart shook the building and sent every part of my body into a violent jiggling, the sound varied from explosion to the world's largest trumpets to someone shitting themselves violently, but unlike an explosion the fart went on for a long time 3 minutes, 3 minutes of gale force winds and earthquake inducing sounds, this was by far the biggest fart I'd ripped all the day if not ever.
Then I smelled it, it was the grossest thing I'd smelled in a long time, age-old shit, beans, rotten vegetables and rancid eggs, but I just couldn't stop sniffing it, it smelled good in a disgusting way and then I felt something flow over my legs, I had just orgasmed from farting.
I looked back at Andrea through the thick yellow mist I'd created and let's just say she didn't look very presentable, her hair was incredibly disheveled by my flatulence, her sweat had made her dress shirt transparent except for the pieces of excrement upon it, her fly had been undone and one of her hands was down the front of her panties, which explained her moaning and heavy breathing.
My monstrous fart had filled the air in the janitorial closet with methane, sulphur and hydrogen which meant both of us were having trouble breathing and therefore we left the very defiled closet and went into the hallway, she was looking at me with lust in her eyes, she wanted more.
"What do you say we go to your place?" She asked
"Why not yours?"
"I live in an apartment, people complain if I make loud sounds or weird smells."
She had a point most of the stuff we'd done up to this point had involved loud sound and smells that could be described as "weird", so the both of us got into my unventilated car and drove to my house, I decided to take a longer route to avoid being recognized by anyone.
This prolonged drive proved to have other advantages too, since Andrea had started pumping out gas non-stop as she'd been doing back in her office and my flatulence hadn't stopped its constant expulsion either.
While my farts were louder and more frequent her stink was more present partly because her butt was permanently angled toward me and partly due to the fact that she ripped a lot of squeakers and SBDs.
My poor car was the only victim of our chemical warfare, it shook violently with every big bomb one of us dropped, the fake leather seats were getting pumped full of noxious gasses and I could swear some yellowish corrosion had started to form on the windows.
The longer route I had decided on would have turned what was normally a 10 minute drive into a 20 minute one, but intoxicated as I was with our combined gasses, I started taking wrong turns to prolong it even further, I started to get the fart-lust Andrea had had earlier, I just wanted to stay in our little fart-box forever.
The drive home had been going on for thirty minutes now and I was probably further away from home than when I started and I was start to get warm and sweaty, no not warm, hot! Andrea must've felt the same way as she had taken her shirt off revealing her red lace bra which contained her luscious glistening mammaries, which were heaving up and down with every breath she took, I would have loved to stare at her bosom, but I had which was getting harder and harder, suddenly I felt Andrea's hand on my shoulder.
"Pull over, I can wait no longer" she whispered sensually into my ear giving me chills, I stopped on the side of the road, she moved away from my ear and started crawling to the back seat between the front seats moving her butt from side to side seductively but she stopped halfway to the backseat, her backside angled slightly toward me and she raised her closest to me much like a dog would before it pisses on a tree.
It started off with a soft purr and an airy hiss which lightly brushed against my face carrying a heavenly stench, but then it grew louder and more forceful, it blew back my hair like a powerful hair dryer and its smell got even sweeter, my lust for her reached ridiculous levels, I wanted her, I needed her.
I sat and appreciated her fart for a while before getting out of the car and walking to one backdoors to get to the back seat, since there was no way my fat ass would fit between the front seats, opening the door I was greeted by a sight I'd been longing for Andrea on all fours, pants down, butt revealed and up in the air toward me, an irresistible sight for sure.
She ripped a small quiet fart as if to lure me to the booty, I crawled in toward her, she spun round to face me and sat up on her knees, as I sat up in front of her she grabbed the bottom of my stained tank top and pulled upwards to take it off, I raised my arms to cooperate but in doing so released the stench trapped in my pits, I cringed at the horrid stench of sweat but she seemed to like it as a smile spread across her face.
She pulled me in closer and we started making out, her tongue and mouth were disgusting, the taste of my ass, farts and shit was still very present much to my dismay but on the other hand I had free reign to grope her firm bubble-butt and I did so with great pleasure, her farts warmed my hands as I caressed her bottom, she spent most of time feeling up my belly before taking off my bra, as she undid my bra I undid hers and when we released each other both of them dropped revealing our breasts.
Her boobs were beautifully firm and barely dropped an inch from the position the bra had kept them, mine did droop down a bit, but she didn't care as she plunged her head between motor boating and sniffing up the indubitably rank air between them, while submerged between my breasts her hands undid my fly and after she did so I took my pants, now the both of us were in our birthday suits.
She instructed me to lay on my back with legs spread, I ended being half on my back and half propped up against the car door and the positioning of my legs caused me to sent a nasty torrent of farts in her direction, PAARP PfFRrT pllpppt POOT, but I knew she wouldn't mind.
Her genitals made contact with mine and our pleasure begun, I'd never had sex that felt this good, part of it was the way our privates rubbed together and the relief of farting freely but mostly the pleasure came from the hot steamy farts she ripped up my birth canal, I don't remember what it looked like as I had my eyes closed for most of it and when I had them open I could barely see through the thick fog we'd created.
Our sex lasted for 15 minutes before I orgasmed a surprisingly long time considering how turned on I was, she wasn't far behind because when I finished I cut a couple of huge farts up her vagina causing her to finish as well, we sat there marveling at what we'd just done, before I put my pants back on and went back to the driver's seat and started driving again, she stayed in the back seat naked, neither of us made a sound save for breathing and the odd fart or two.
We both got out of the car when we reached my house, she was still nude and I only wore my pants which still barely began to cover my ass, I noticed she was shivering in the cold night air.
"This should warm ya up!" I said as I pulled down my pants and pressed my backside into her still wet groin.
I ripped a big fart against her vibrating my buttocks and I heard her giggle "let's get inside dear." and we did.
Both of us were incredibly tired from what we'd done in the car and decided to go to bed, but being tired didn't mean we couldn't still have some fun, we got under covers together, naked, and embraced each other tightly causing the both of us to break wind and continue doing so, we fell asleep hugging in a Dutch oven.
We would continue to sniff each other's farts and have sweet flatulent sex, for the remainder of the weekend and when I dropped Andrea off at her car Monday morning she gave me her number, I'll probably call her, but now all that's on my mind is: how am I gonna tell the kids?